The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
