you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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