If that was your dad, he is hot
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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