I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
