First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
