Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
