I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize