I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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