im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
