Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
