Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.