Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.