I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.