i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out mid-signature
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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