My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
