My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
