Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
another moral hangover. fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
