Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
