i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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