no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
