i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
