I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
