im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
