I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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