i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
