How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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