I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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