He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
