Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
