all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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