Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
