Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
