Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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