sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
