Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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