South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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