4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love accidental penises.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
