I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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