I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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