apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
