I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
