Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
