Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
