my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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