oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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