It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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