last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
