I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
