I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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