How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
