i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
