I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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