i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
