the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina is officially offended.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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