Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
