he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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