I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We left an ass print on the piano.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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