I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
