I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
