I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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