and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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