btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
