and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
