it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
