i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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