See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
