WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
