mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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