if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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