Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
