I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
