So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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