we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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