he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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