tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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