dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found your dick twin last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
