Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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