She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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