i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
