didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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