drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
