I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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