apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
